


Tell Him

by PhiraLovesLoki



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captain Swan AU Week 2017, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhiraLovesLoki/pseuds/PhiraLovesLoki
Summary: Emma has only one regret from her Back to the Future adventure with Killian. And when she accidentally goes back in time--again--she has a chance to fix it, and damn the consequences. CS AU Week: Episode Rewrite.





	Tell Him

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been bugging me ever since season 5, when Emma lovingly looks at the storybook illustration of her and Killian at the ball. I figured it would be somewhat appropriate for CS AU week. Thanks to justanotherwannabeclassic for beta-reading for me!

“Swan, we’re going to be late,” Killian warned.

“I know, just—” Emma sighed. “Look, I have to pee, okay?”

He blushed, but it was his own fault for pressing the issue when she said she’d be right back. “Very well,” he replied. “I’ll wait here.”

“Uh huh.”

It wasn’t easy to make her way through the trees and brush. It hadn’t been easy before she’d been magicked into a giant red ball gown, and the massive skirts really did not help. By the time she felt far enough away from Killian, she was completely out of breath.

She didn’t really need to pee, and thank god because how the hell would she in this dress? She just needed a break before she completely fell apart.

Just  _ one _ Hook was overwhelming, and she’d spent the better part of the evening juggling two of him. She snorted.  _ Juggling. _ That was  _ one _ way to put it.

She just—she just needed time to breathe before she went into that castle and attended a for-real-actual-factual  _ fairytale ball _ with him. 

Just as she was gearing up to head back—Killian couldn’t possibly believe it would take her this long to pee, even in this damn dress—there was the sound of twigs breaking underfoot and branches being pushed out of the way. Someone was coming, and they weren’t coming from the direction of the castle. So it wasn’t Killian, and she was unarmed and in this  _ massive _ princess dress, and—

Her jaw dropped as the person came into view.

“You’ve  _ got _ to be kidding me.”

“Well, I guess that answers my question.”

“What question?”

“Where the portal was taking me,” said the other person.

Who was definitely, unmistakably also Emma Swan.

“I … more time travel?” she asked weakly. Bad enough that she’d had to deal with two Hooks. Now she had to deal with another  _ her? _

“Yep.” The other Emma sighed. “You don’t think Gold will find it weird if I show up and ask to use the wand, do you?” She paused and shook her head. “Nah, he’d probably find it hilarious. And he’s going to take a memory potion anyway.”

“Um, how are you here?”

Other Emma shrugged. “It’s Storybrooke. It kind of happened by accident. I guess I was thinking about what happened the last time I fell through a time portal, and, well, here I am.”

“Sounds about right,” she mumbled. “Why this moment, though?”

Other Emma frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’ve been here since this morning.”

“Oh.” She blushed. “Well … probably because I was thinking about the ball.”

“Oh good lord.”

“Hey, come on,” Other Emma said. “It was … well, the night ended up being kind of a disaster, but the beginning was nice.”

“Great.” A disaster was just what she needed. “Well, if you made it back to Storybrooke,” she said, gesturing at Other Emma’s clothing, “I guess it couldn’t have been  _ that _ much of a disaster.”

“Eh, you’ll see.”

“Well, good luck getting back home. I’ve got a ball to attend, apparently.”

“Yeah, Killian’s getting worried about you.”

She rolled her eyes. She’d come all the way out here to get a break from Killian, and she couldn’t even get that much.

“Hey,” Other Emma said gently. “Look, I know … I know how you’re feeling right now, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Uh, I’m  _ you, _ remember?” Well, that was true. “I know exactly how you’re feeling right now, about being here, about wearing that dress, about finding a way home. And I know how you feel about  _ him.” _

She would pay any amount of money to  _ not _ have this conversation right now.

“And I know you’d pay any amount of money to not have this conversation right now,” Other Emma said. “But do both of us a favor, okay?”

“And what’s that?”

“Tell him.”

She swallowed hard. “There’s nothing to tell him.”

It was Other Emma’s turn to roll her eyes. “Here’s the thing: he’s the real deal. All of the shit you’re afraid of? It’s scary, but it’s worth it.”

She thought back to Graham, to Walsh, to Neal. They all left her in the end, voluntarily or not. How could she be sure—

“This whole Back to the Future mess, I only have one regret. And that’s going into that ball and  _ not _ telling him. Okay? So do us a favor and don’t let us have that regret.”

But telling him would change things, and it might ruin what they were trying to accomplish, and what if—

“There’s nothing to tell him,” she repeated firmly.

“Bullshit,” Other Emma said. She held up her left hand, and—

“Is that—”

“Yep. Like I said, he’s the real deal. So  _ tell _ him.”

“You shouldn’t be telling me to,” she said, trying to stay calm. “I mean, if you’re so happy in the future, then you shouldn’t be coming to the past and changing it.”

“Yeah, I doubt this is going to change all that much.”

She snorted. “Sure, except me breaking a branch kept Snow and Charming from meeting, which is why I’m in this ball gown in the first place.”

“Look, whatever” Other Emma said, clearly frustrated. “I just know that you’re going to regret not telling him tonight, and I thought you should know. Anyway, I’m gonna head to Gold’s place. Good luck.” And with a poof, she vanished.

A poof? Magic? Was this a trick, or did she get her magic back?

“Swan?” She nearly snapped her neck, turning to face Killian, who’d clearly gotten so worried that he’d risked invading her privacy. “Are you all right? Were you talking to someone?” he asked suspiciously.

“Just … talking to myself,” she said. Weird how it wasn’t a lie. “Hyping myself up for this ball.”

He believed her, at least, and just nodded. “We’ll be late if we dally much longer.” He held his hand out to her. “Shall we?”

She swallowed hard and took his hand. “Sure.”

* * *

She tried to forget the absurd encounter as they entered Midas’ castle, lied their way past the king himself, and began to dance. But she just couldn’t. Her future self seemed really adamant that she talk about her  _ feelings _ with Killian. But what good would it do? After all, things would work out anyway, so whatever. Right?

Although the thought of exactly what  _ things would work out _ meant had her anxious as all hell.

He seemed to sense that something was wrong. “All right, love?”

“Uh huh.” He twirled her around again, and she tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. Why was she so nervous? She wasn’t actually considering what her future self told her to do. Was she?

“You seem distracted.”

“I’m okay.”

He sighed. “I know you’re worried about blending in, but as I said, you’re a natural. You’ve nothing to worry about.”

“It’s …” She sighed. “It’s not that.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “Well, if it’s about your parents, we’ll get there. As I’ve said before,” and he smiled, “I’ve yet to see you fail.”

_ Oh god _ , he was so earnest and genuine and she could  _ not _ handle this right now. “Come, Swan.” He released his grip on her waist and offered her his arm. She frowned as she took it; where were they going?

The answer was to sit in a couple of chairs off to the side; he graciously helped her sit down before taking the seat next to her. “Will you tell me what’s really bothering you?” he asked. “Because I much prefer your company when you aren’t pretending that nothing’s wrong.”

“Can you maybe just drop it?”

He stared at her skeptically before nodding. “As you wish.” They sat in silence as they watched all the other happy couples dancing, grabbing glasses of champagne when a servant came by with a tray. Maybe more alcohol wasn’t the best idea, but she really needed it.

After all, she was thirty years in the past, in the Enchanted Forest, trying to get her parents to meet. And to do so, she’d had to seduce Captain Hook, who was  _ also _ her ally and current date to a real live ball.

Yeah, she needed more than just a glass of champagne. She needed a bottle or two.

“We should probably return to the dance floor,” Killian suggested. “Charming doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything, and we shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves by sitting out so many dances.”

“Yeah, I guess. Just …”

He turned to her and lifted an eyebrow. “Swan?”

She bit her lip. Was she really going to do this? “Let’s assume we make it back.”

“I know we will.”

“Okay, well … what do you plan to do?”

He frowned. “I don’t know, I suppose. If you still plan on going to New York, I suppose your father will need help enforcing the law. Or perhaps Storybrooke is in need of a harbormaster.”

The level of disappointment she felt at his answer was entirely unexpected. “But, I mean … you could go anywhere. Do anything.”

“Well,” he said with a sad chuckle, “if I thought you’d permit me to come with you to New York, I would in a heartbeat. Though I’ve no idea what I could do there. I know  _ they _ don’t need a harbormaster.”

Something was wrong. “Killian, you have a ship. You could go anywhere you wanted.”

He swallowed hard. “Emma, I don’t have a ship.”

“But you …” Her mouth dropped open. She hadn’t seen the Jolly Roger once since they got back to Storybrooke, and she’d been down to the harbor plenty of times. And Henry had even mentioned that they’d been on smaller boats when Killian had taken him sailing. At the time, she’d just assumed that Killian opted to keep his ship hidden from Henry to avoid arousing suspicion—well, from arousing it any more than he already had been with his pirate clothes. But then again, he’d come to Storybrooke with them. He hadn’t sailed.

“What happened?” she finally asked.

He shook his head. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Killian.” She needed to know. His ship was  _ everything _ to him.

“I … I needed a bean.”

Her heart stopped. Well, it couldn’t have actually stopped, but it sure as hell felt like it had. He’d traded his ship for a bean to get to New York. He’d made a huge sacrifice for her and her family, and instead of bragging about it, or using it to convince her to give him a shot, he was almost embarrassed to even admit it.

Her future self had said he was the real deal. She had the wedding rings on her finger to prove it.

Before she could overthink things, she reached out and took his false hand in hers. “I’m scared.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “Of … failing? Of not getting home?”

Right, he couldn’t read her mind. “Of this,” she said, squeezing his fake hand, tugging it enough so that he would notice.

If she hadn’t been so unbelievably nervous, she would have been able to fully enjoy just how stunned he was. She knew what it was like to have to keep up appearances, to hide how she really felt, and she knew he was the same way. So to see everything fall away, to see his expression as he realized what she was saying, was almost mesmerizing.

And then his eyes filled with resolve. “Come with me.” He set his champagne glass down, and she quickly followed suit before he pulled her back onto the dance floor. Right, they needed to blend in, and sitting down all night wouldn’t achieve that.

It didn’t take as long for her to get into the groove as it had when they’d danced earlier. After a few moments, she was able to look somewhere else besides the floor, instinctively trying to look at her feet even though her dress hid them.

But that meant looking into Killian’s eyes, and she felt her face burning with embarrassment every time she did.

“Swan, look at me,” he finally said. She did, and she felt her blush growing, spreading down her neck and chest. “Tell me you want me, Swan.” Her heart skipped a beat. “And you will have all of me for as long as you wish.”

Oh god, how was it possible that he could just say the most ridiculous shit straight out of a romance novel, and instead of making her laugh or scoff, it just always left her stunned into silence?

Her future self had said it repeatedly: Tell him.

“I want you,” she said.

His smile didn’t seem triumphant or smug. Just … overjoyed. And it was hard not to smile in return. After all, she’d finally told him, and now they could—

And he was leaning in, and so was she, and—

“Wait,” she said, blinking and pulling back.

His face fell. “Right, perhaps too soon. I—”

“No, no.” Given the amount of sexual tension that had been between them for ages,  _ too soon _ was definitely not remotely accurate. “I just figure making out in the middle of the dance floor isn’t exactly proper in the Enchanted Forest.”

He laughed, and she could see his shoulders relax in relief. “Aye, although I suppose it’s been far too long since I’ve concerned myself with propriety.”

She snorted. “Well, if you want to date a princess, you’ve gotta behave yourself.”

“Bloody hell.” But he was smiling. “Is it terrible that I so often forget that you’re royalty?”

“Nah. I don’t usually remember either.”

As they continued to dance, she couldn’t stop smiling, and he couldn’t either. And it was … well, it was kind of awesome, she had to admit. Here she was, in an actual ball gown at an honest-to-god royal ball, dancing with the man she had feelings for. She’d never been to prom, but she knew this blew any prom right out of the water.

“I don’t want to press my luck,” he said, a few minutes later.

“Yeah?” Was he going to ask if they could have sex tonight? Because, well, the only thing stopping her from enthusiastically consenting was that she didn’t know  _ where _ they could do it.

“Do you think …” He paused and cleared his throat. “If you’re still going to New York, I don’t want to obligate you in any way, but perhaps I could come with you? Or would that make you uncomfortable because of Henry?”

Oh god, New York. He couldn’t live with them, and it would be really tough to help him adjust. She’d have to forge documents for him, help him get a job, find a way to explain him to her social circle. If she wanted to explore this—and she’d basically just admitted that she did—could she do that in New York?

Not to mention the backlash she’d experience from Regina. Dear god, if she took Henry to New York, any goodwill she’d managed to foster between herself and Regina would just go up in smoke. And David and Mary Margaret were trying so hard to be good parents. And Walsh—she and Henry hadn’t been safe in New York anyway, had they?

And Henry wanted to stay. This wouldn’t just bring on a typical pre-teen temper tantrum that would eventually blow over. He’d be bitter about it forever.

And if she was being honest with herself—and hey, it seemed like being honest with herself was the theme of the night—she didn’t really want to leave either.

“You could,” she said, and he smiled. “Or maybe I could just stay.”

His mouth fell open. “Stay? You’re going to stay?”

She nodded hesitantly. “I think so.”

“That’s it,” he said firmly. “Enough dancing.” He took her hand and dragged her off the dance floor, through the crowds, through a corridor, around a corner, until—

“No one here to care if we’re being proper,” he said roughly, before pressing her up against the cold stone wall and kissing her hard.

The kiss they’d shared in Neverland had haunted her, even in New York. She hadn’t known that it was a memory at the time, just a super hot recurring dream that she hated waking up from. It was always pretty fragmented—she never had any idea of just who was kissing her, or where they were—but boy, was it incredible. Just like the real kiss had been.

This? This was even better, although some of the breathlessness she was experiencing was due to the corset. But most of it was from being kissed senseless. By Killian.

She knew they were here in the first place because they were supposed to make sure Snow White stole the ring from Charming, and there was a little, sensible voice at the back of her mind that tried to convince her that making out with Killian was  _ not _ helping. But it was hard to care when his tongue was caressing hers, and his hand was cupping her head, and yep, the man was hard enough that she could feel his erection through her voluminous skirts.

“Oh!”

Shit. They broke apart to find Kathryn—Princess Abigail, she reminded herself—who seemed a little shocked at stumbling upon a couple making out. “Uh.” She needed to think of what to say.

“Apologies, your highness,” Killian said smoothly. “We didn’t expect any company this far from the festivities. We’re truly sorry.”

“And embarrassed,” Emma added.

“It’s—it’s all right,” Abigail stammered, before standing up a bit straighter and regaining some of her composure. “I just remembered that I’m needed elsewhere.” And she turned and practically fled back to the ballroom.

Killian cleared his throat and scratched behind his ear. “Should we go back, do you think?”

“Maybe in a little bit.” Embarrassing interruption aside, she wasn’t quite done enjoying herself.

He didn’t argue; instead, he pressed against her again, and resumed making her melt.

Until, quite suddenly, there was a commotion, coming from the other end of the corridor. “Uh oh.” They quickly made their way towards the sound.

The corridor opened up onto one of the battlements, and as they approached, Emma saw Snow hopping over the top of the battlement. The commotion itself was from Charming, who was leaning out of a window, shouting about finding her.

She almost laughed as they watched Snow mount a horse and ride away. After hearing the whole “I will find you” phrase said with love, it was pretty funny to hear it said as a threat.

“Looks like the plan worked,” Killian said, almost breathlessly.

“I hope so. We need to check the book.”

“Right. I suppose we should get going then.”

It was probably the best idea. They had no reason to stay any longer, after all. Although …

“Well, maybe we can stay a little longer.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I mean, when else am I gonna get to dance at a royal ball with a dashing prince?”

He chuckled and offered her his arm. “You make an excellent point, Princess Leia. Shall we?”

She couldn’t stifle her giggle as she took his arm.

Maybe her future self had a point.

* * *

Emma let out a sigh of relief as the portal spit her back out where she’d originally gotten sucked into it. Luckily, Rumplestiltskin was mostly just amused that not one, but  _ two _ versions of her from the future had come to him for help, and he’d happily provided her with the wand.

“Everything all right?” David asked from the barn door.

“What the hell happened?” asked Zelena.

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

“Well, obviously,” Zelena retorted. “But I think it’s very important that we find an explanation for the portal reopening.”

“I think it was just reacting to my magic,” Emma lied. “It should be safe for everyone else.”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “Perhaps Gold has a better explanation,” she said before stomping off.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” David asked. “What happened when you went through the portal?”

“I ended up at the same time and place as before.”

His eyes widened. “You didn’t change anything, did you?”

“Dad, I went straight to Gold and used the wand to get back here,” she lied. He bought it, relaxing a bit and nodding. “Anyway, I’ve gotta get home. I promised Mom I’d bring something tonight and I need to get started on it.”

“All right, I’ll see you tonight.”

Her hands shook a little bit as she drove home. Should she tell Killian what she’d done? She knew he could keep it a secret, but what if he got angry with her? After all, she’d taken a huge risk by talking to her past self. And when they’d time traveled way back when, he’d been adamant that they lay low to avoid making changes.

He was flipping through a cookbook when she got home. “Hello, love. How was childproofing the barn?”

It was the moment of truth. What should she do? “It was fine,” she said, before quickly adding, “It should be totally safe once the baby comes. What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out what to make for tonight.”

“I thought we were going to make those creamy potatoes.”

“Aye, as did I. But this morning while I was at the diner, I bumped into Gold, and he mentioned that Belle’s developed quite the aversion to onions.”

Emma groaned. “God, Belle’s got every food aversion in the book, Zelena has gestational diabetes, and Mom’s on bedrest. Is this what I have to look forward to?”

“I’m the wrong person to ask, unfortunately. Did you experience any of those things with Henry?”

“I had bad morning sickness from the beginning with him, but that hasn’t been an issue so far. Knock on wood.” She rapped her knuckles on the kitchen table. “Okay, so no onions. And I bought the potatoes already. I guess I could make mashed potatoes, and then use the cheddar to make mac and cheese later this week.”

“No arguments from me,” he said, closing the cookbook. “Anyway, when were you going to tell me about the time portal?”

She winced. “Uh, so you heard about that.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, your father texted me about it. Swan, why didn’t you tell me? And how did it even open?”

“It’s not a big deal!” she protested, even though she knew it probably was. “Honestly, everything’s probably fine anyway. My magic’s just been crazy because of my hormones, and it must have reactivated it.”

“You didn’t tell them that’s what happened, did you? I thought we were going to announce it tonight, together.”

“Of course I didn’t,” she said, moving around the table to take his hand in hers. “I know how important it is to you to be able to see everyone’s reactions. When Dad and Zelena asked what happened, I just said it was my magic and dodged the subject.”

“Fair enough,” he grumbled. “But Swan, the time portal—what happened?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” she said, waving her other hand dismissively. “I actually ended up back where we went the first time, so I went to Gold and used the wand to get back.”

“Oh.” He blinked. “It was that simple?”

She chuckled. “Hey, the first time, I had to make sure my parents met,  _ and _ I had to get my magic back. This time, I didn’t have to deal with any issues like that.”

“Point taken. Why do you think you ended up there?”

“Well, I guess I was thinking about the last time when I fell in.”

He smiled. “I suppose I’d be thinking about that, too.” He pulled her in for a kiss. “I think about that night quite frequently myself. Having my feelings finally reciprocated. Dancing with my beloved at a ball. Getting slightly inappropriate in a dark and deserted hallway.”

“Mmm, yeah.”

Except that’s not what she’d been thinking about. She’d been thinking about how much she regretted going to the ball that night, being in such a romantic setting, and keeping her feelings to herself.

But now she was the only one who knew how that night had originally gone down. And she was the only one who knew just how drastically everything had changed because of what she’d done.

Before, not much had changed. She’d just altered how her parents had met, and then everything else had gone the way it was supposed to go. But now? Now she remembered an entirely different timeline, starting from that meeting with herself in the woods.

“I think I’m gonna lie down,” she said quickly. “I can start the mashed potatoes later; it won’t take very long to make them.”

He nodded. “I’ll come wake you up in an hour, so you don’t end up too groggy.”

“Thanks.” She kissed him again before heading upstairs.

She knew she wouldn’t sleep, though. Her mind was still reeling from the whole situation.

One little difference—giving in to her feelings during the ball instead of after they got back—and everything had changed. Making out in the hallway had prevented Abigail from going upstairs, seeing Snow, and alerting her father. Snow had gotten away without dropping the ring, and with no black knights trying to stop her, Emma hadn’t had to step in to stop them.

And with her admission that she would stay in Storybrooke, her magic had come back sooner; she and Killian hadn’t been sent to Rumplestiltskin’s weird closet of oddities. Zelena had still shown up and managed to hitch a ride back to Storybrooke with them, but as herself, and not wearing a Marian disguise.

And from there? Well, some things had changed completely, and some things had happened, but …  _ differently. _

They’d still helped Elsa and the rest of the Arendelle contingent, but without Ingrid dying and without the town line being cursed. They’d still resurrected Maleficent and reunited her with Lily, but they’d also found Lily’s father—aptly named the Dragon. And during the trip to New York to find him, they’d found Ursula, and helped her reunite with her father and recover her singing voice.

They’d still gone to Camelot to destroy the Darkness, but it had been Gold who’d requested it, and it had been done successfully, with Merlin completing the sacrifice he’d originally planned to make. And they’d also helped wrest control of the kingdom from Arthur, who’d died by Lancelot’s hand in a duel.

They’d still gone to the Underworld, but this time, because Arthur had found a way to contact them and ask for help. He’d turned over a new leaf and wanted to save the realm from Hades. During the trip, Regina had still helped her parents moved on and repaired her relationship with Zelena, and Liam had still moved on with an old crew. But Killian had reunited with Milah as well, and after a touching reunion, had helped her move on. And the defeat of Hades had occurred without Robin’s death.

They’d still helped the inhabitants of the Land of Untold Stories, getting caught in the realm when they’d been trying to get out of the Underworld. But Regina hadn’t used the serum, so there was no Evil Queen to contend with. And better yet, the destruction of the Darkness had actually meant the destruction of all dark magic. No dark magic had sucked for Zelena, who was still powerless even now, and for Regina, whose light magic was nowhere near as powerful as her dark magic had been.

But it had also meant no Black Fairy, which, as far as Emma was concerned, was more than worth it.

In what was the weirdest change to the timeline, although everyone in  _ this _ timeline had been pretty weirded out about it, too, was that Zelena was  _ still _ pregnant with Robin’s kid. But there had been no rape by fraud involved, and Emma hadn’t sped up the pregnancy as the Dark One. Instead, Robin and Regina had decided to have kids, and Zelena, having binge-watched  _ Friends _ as she’d adjusted to life in Storybrooke, had agreed to be their surrogate.

All because Emma had confessed her feelings to Killian earlier.

Tonight would be about going to their weekly family dinner and telling everyone that they were expecting. That was all she had in her today. The thought of explaining what she’d done in the past was too daunting.

But maybe, one day, she’d tell him.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story! Let me know what you think!


End file.
